August 20, 2009 Wow Hall, Eugene, Oregon
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Moonalice legend, Eugene was once home to the largest population of Bigfoot anywhere. In the early days of the lumber trade, Bigfoot were the best at cutting and hauling logs. They worked for the local Moonalice tribe, but didn’t like the working conditions. As a result, they formed the first union in North American: the United Amalgamated International Fraternal Brotherhood of Bigfeet. The first thing they did was hold a strike, but it didn’t work. No one in the Moonalice tribe had ever seen a Bigfoot, so they didn’t notice.
According to Moonalice legend, there has not been a Bigfoot sighting in Eugene in at least 100 years. The last known appearance of a Bigfoot here in town turned out badly. The Bigfoot visited the local Moonalice tribe and had an audience with the matriarch Moona Lisa Moonalice. There was a banquet to honor the hairy guest, which began with the ritual passing of the pipe. Bigfoot was inexperienced was organic smokables, and was overwhelmed after only a few puffs. He passed out, falling face-first in his soup, splashing it all over the room. Bigfoot remained there comatose for the rest of the evening. Moona Lisa was put off by Big Foot’s rudeness, which is why Bigfoot don’t get invited to dinner around here any more.
According to Moonalice legend, today is Moonalice Duck Day. All of us are required to spend at least five minutes today, walking, talking, and quacking like a duck.
According to Moonalice legend, the tradition of running in Eugene is completely, absolutely, and most assuredly not related to the Moonalice tribe. That’s right. We have nothing against running, but generally prefer less energetic forms of exercise. Like napping. Or coughing.
|August 20, 2009
|12.75 in. x 17.25 in.