May 26, 2010 Martyrs’, Chicago, Illinois
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Wikipedia, the name “Chicago” is a French rendering of the Native American word shikaakwa, meaning “wild onion” or “wild garlic,” from the Miami-Illinois language. According to Moonalice legend, this is a classic white wash. That “wild onion” was hemp, a variety of skunk cultivated by the local Moonalice tribe. It is our understanding that the local tribe has been experimenting with biotechnology to reproduce the original shikaakwa hemp. Moonalice legend says that when they succeed, the Cubs will win. Blackhawks, too!
According to Moonalice legend, the tribe loves baseball. And Moonalices feel a special kinship the Cubs, thanks in part to pride in our tribe’s role in Chicago baseball. Have you ever wondered how they built Wrigley Field in only six weeks back in 1914? Hemp. Lots of hemp. And a work crew of Moonalices, of course. Then in 1937, the great Bill Veeck, who was a Moonalice on his mother’s backside, covered the walls with green plants. He began by planting hemp. It was cheap, grew fast, and could be sold at a profit. Unfortunately, that first crop matured in early May, was cured and enjoyed by the ground crew. That’s when Veeck planted the ivy.
According to Moonalice legend, today is the anniversary of the first execution of a witch in the US. It happened in 1647 to a woman named Alse Young. How did they know Alse was a witch? She had no sons when her husband died, which meant she was legally entitled to inherit his estate. More recently she has been accused of cultivating hemp.
According to Moonalice legend, this is International Whistlers Week! Please be aware that international whistlers walk among us, incognito. If you spot an international whistler in the wild, do not approach it. Wave your arms and make as much noise as possible.
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