May 1, 2009 Mexicali Live, Teaneck, New Jersey
Moonalice poster by David Singer
According to Moonalice legend, the story of Teaneck’s origin turns out to be way more complicated than we thought. When we were here last year, the legend suggested that the first Europeans had changed the town’s name from Hempneck to Teaneck. The story turns out to be more complicated. You may recall that the Lenape tribe’s name for Manhattan was “the place of general inebriation.” It turns out that the Moonalice tribe really admired the Lenape. Frankly, they were in awe of them and imitated everything. So the Moonalice tribe named this place Hempneck, which translates rather loosely as “the place of Colonel Inebriation.” Manhattan complained about the copycat name, so the Moonalice tribe demoted itself to major. So that’s how you became Teaneck, “the place of Major Inebriation.”
According to Moonalice legend, there was once a matriarch around here by the name of Mexicali Meshuggenah Moonalice. As you can see from tonight’s poster, Mexicali Meshuggenah represented all that was good in the Teaneck tribe. She was a fantastic, if wacky, chef, known throughout Bergen County for her smoked whitefish enchiladas. She was also a prolific gefilte fisherman. Her prize catch put up a strong fight — from the Red Sea to Coney Island — before Mexicali netted it. That 43 pound gefilte remains the record catch to this day.
According to Moonalice legend, Mexicali Meshuggenah Moonalice made a tasty hemp rugelach. Her special recipe started with a matzo ball base, to which she added the Sunday Times Crossword Puzzle, glatt kosher chocolate chips, a bale of hemp, and mole sauce. She garnished with jalapeno and guacamole. She finished the whole thing off with a nice schpritz of schmaltz and a Corona with lime.
According to Moonalice legend, May Day is a very high holy day. A man the tribe generally dislikes, Ezra Pound, had an interesting perspective. He said, “hooray, hooray, the first of May, outdoor fucking begins today.” This is also Beltane, the Irish and neopagan first day of summer, celebrated with bonfires of hemp. It’s National Love Day in the Czech Republic. Here in the tribe, it’s always National Love Day, but if you are new to the tribe, we encourage you to take advantage of this high holy day to find some love. Today is also the birthday of the Duke of Wellington, Calamity Jane, and Kate Smith. But most of all, it is the first of May, the day of planting in New Jersey. The early reports from the field are that the season is off to a very good start.
According to Moonalice legend, today is the 79th anniversary of the naming of Pluto. Talk about mean people. First they told Pluto, “hey, you can be a planet.” Then, just as Pluto was getting settled in, astrologers demoted it to dwarf planet. Holy munchkin! The tribe wants Pluto to know, you will always be a planet to us.
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