April 25, 2009 Virginia Brewing Company, Winchester, Virginia
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Moonalice legend, today is World Malaria Day. In the spirit of the day, we went down to WalMart to buy you all some malaria, but they were out of stock. Maybe next time.According to Wikipedia, this area was occupied by native tribes beginning around 1000 AD. Wikipedia talks about the Cacapon, Opequon, Shawnee and Tuscarora, but they make no mention of the Moonalice tribe. This is a gross oversight. According to Moonalice legend, the tribe first came here during BC to AD changeover. They established a farm dedicated to production of hemp and calendars. Hemp was, well, you know, hemp. But AD calendars were a brand new thing, and the tribe tried to cash in. Unfortunately, the tribe was way too early. The first Europeans didn’t arrive until the early 18th century, by which time the Moonalice tribe had forgotten where they put all the calendars.
According to Moonalice legend, the Shenandoah Valley was the breadbasket of the Confederacy during the War of Northern Aggression. It was home to the 420 Moonalice Agriculture Regiment, which provided hemp to the Confederate army. The Valley was also home to the 420 Moonalice Signal Brigade of Northern Virginia. This Brigade specialized in smoke signals and had a very rough duty during the war. For four long years, they puffed away like chimneys, which made them more lethargic than was the standard for Confederate soldiers. Given how many times Winchester was overrun by Yankee soldiers, lethargy could have been a real problem. Fortunately, the Yankee troops doing the overrunning were the 420 Moonalice Supply Corps of New Hampshire – the Hemp Pickers. When the war began, the Pickers made a deal with their Virginia counterparts to trade Winchester back and forth to make everybody look good to their boss.
According to Moonalice legend, the first fort on this site was built in 1756 by Colonel George Washington. The one who chopped down the cherry tree. Also the one who may have been colonial Virginia’s greatest cultivator of hemp. Word has it that he left a really big stash here.
According to Moonalice legend, Winchester native Patsy Cline was a Moonalice on her mother’s side. Denied the opportunity to play bass – she turned to singing. Fortunately, tribal rituals had given Patsy enormous lung power.
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