March 25, 2010 Brooklyn Bowl, Brooklyn, NY
Moonalice poster by Dave Hunter
According to Moonalice legend, the first Dutch settlers in Brooklyn arrived to find a small band of Moonalice playing bass around a campfire. The Moonalices tribal music captivated the Europeans, who tried unsuccessfully to sing along. Being Europeans, their first question was, “how much to buy this place?” The Moonalices, being Moonalices, didn’t understand the question. Thinking it was a joke, they responded, “You can’t buy Brooklyn, but if you really want to buy something, we’d be happy to sell you our bridge to Manhattan.” In a matter of minutes, the deal was done, after which everyone shared a ceremonial spliff. It took the Dutch a while to figure out the bridge thing, but they liked the hemp and immediately sent some home to Amsterdam, where it has been popular ever since.
According to Moonalice legend, Moonalice was but one of many tribes that inhabited Brooklyn in the years before the white man came. The most famous tribe, of course, were the Hekawi. Originally known as the Fugawi – as in “where the Fugawi” – the Hekawi were comedians and whiskey merchants who went on to great fame and fortune at Fort Courage in the TV series F Troop. On their way out of town, the Hekawi threw a big party and auctioned off the stuff they didn’t need. The Moonalice’s bought the Hekawi recipe for Hemp Bagels.
According to Moonalice legend, bowling has been a pillar of Moonalice culture since just after the invention of fire. Bowling in is the #1 Olympic sport in the Moonalice tribe. Young tribe members train daily. By tradition, training starts at 4:20pm and lasts as long as the athletes remain conscious. Of course, Moonalice bowling has little in common with the European form found here. Moonalice bowling begins with the ritual loading of the bowl – which you might call a pipe – with choice hemp buds. After the ritual coin flight, the game begins when one athlete strikes a match. Each participant tries to consume the entire load of hemp in one inhale. Failure to do so results in a lower score, known as a spare. If you have any questions, please talk to Big Steve.
According to Moonalice legend, today is New Year’s Day according to the old Julian Calendar. Those Julians knew how to party.
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