February 28, 2009 Cox Capital Theatre, Macon, Georgia
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Moonalice legend, today is the birthday of Wake Up Mama Moonalice, one of the great matriarchs in the tribe’s history. Wake Up Mama was born in Statesboro, Georgia, where she had the blues. But she was a brilliant engineer. Among her inventions were the first human methane powered barbecue restaurant. The place had a carbon foot print of zero, but it smelled so terrible that it chased Uncle John from the door. Wake Up Mama moved to Macon, where she invented the human methane powered bong. She called it the Lamp, but it, too, smelled awful. She turned it down low, but couldn’t fight off those Statesboro Blues. According to Moonalice legend, if she can’t make it, babe, her sister Lucille say she want to go.
According to Moonalice legend, back during the War of Northern Aggression, the tribe played an important role in protecting Macon from the Dreaded Yankee General Who Shall Not Be Named, who was planning on Bakin’ Macon as he made his way to the sea. It turns out the tribe had formed a couple brigades to contribute to the war effort. The 420 Moonalice Supply Brigade under Col. Beauregard Moonalice ferried hemp to the front lines. The 420 Moonalice Signal Brigrade under Col. Buford Thudpucker Moonalice provided smoke signals. They were both at the battle of Milledgeville when they were captured by the Dreaded Yankee General Who Shall Not Be Named. The Dreaded General was impressed by the smoke signals of the 420 Moonalice Signal Brigade and asked for a demonstration. Within minutes the Dreaded General was overcome by smoke. When he came to, he demanded more hemp, as well as directions to the beach. He never came here to Macon. The rest, as they say, is legend.
According to Moonalice legend, Macon’s most famous murderer, Anjette Lyles, specialized in poisoning family members with arsenic. You may know the Anjette was an attractive and much beloved Macon restaurateur who was convinced of poisoning two husbands, one mother-in-law, and one daughter. She dosed up her victims gradually with rat poison, before finishing them off at the hospital. Apparently no one liked the husbands and the mother in law, because Anjette had gotten away with those murders. The daughter was the bridge too far. Apparently she had shown tremendous potential as a bass player. Her death caused a scandal and got her mom sentenced to the electric chair. She would have gone, too, except they finally figured out she was crazy.
Listen to this show now at Moonalice.com.