December 11, 2009 Hopmonk Tavern, Sebastopol, California
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Moonalice legend, Sebastopol is the Gravenstein capital of the world. We understand this may also be a capital for Moonalice’s favorite species, hemp. So for the very first time, we’re going to have species against species show-off, Battle of the Plants. Tonight’s competition is between Gravenstein Apples and Moonalice’s favorite Sonoma County Herbal Product. According to Wikipedia, Gravensteins are sweet, tart and especially good for baking. The same can be said for the favorite crop of our tribe. Let’s call that one a push. Gravensteins have (quote) variable ripening times (unquote). The same is true for our crop. That one is also a push. Apparently Gravensteins have short stems. Our crop has annoyingly long stems. We’ll give Graventsteins that one. Let’s review the score so far: Gravenstein’s have won one and tied two; Hemp has won none and tied two going into the grand finale: elevation. Which crop gets you high? I can’t hear you, Gravenstein! Holy cow! Major comeback victory for Moonalice herbal delights against tonight’s never-say-die competitor, the Gravenstein Apple. That’s it for today’s show-off. Tune in next time for another exciting Battle of the Plants.
According to Moonalice legend, tonight’s poster features Apple Pie Moonalice, daughter of Hopmonk Moonalice, an early resident of these parts. Apple Pie was a real sweetie. Her baked goods were so fantastic they were only known within about a mile of here. You see, Apple Pie’s baked goods had a secret ingredient which left the muncher with an unshakable feeling of peace on earth and good will towards men (and women). It produced such an overwhelming euphoria that no one ever shared the secret. We’re told, however, that it has been passed from mother to daughter through generations . . . and may be with us here tonight!
According to Moonalice legend, the aforementioned Apple Pie Moonalice – the one from tonight’s poster – could bake anything, but she was particularly skilled at brownies. She had several specialty brownies: The Blue Hawaiian – it was a macadamia nut hemp brownie with a slice of pineapple and a tiny Chinese parasol – The Henry – which was based on Acapulco gold and caused instant blindness And finally, the coup de grace: The Sugaree – this tasty morsel was based on a local herb known for its smooth taste and strong finish If any of you has an extra one of these treats handy, we hope you will share.
According to Moonalice legend, on this day in 1972 Apollo 17 landed on our home plutoid, the Moon. The astronauts had a really cool rover and tooled around for several days. One of the things they brought back with them was a tablet that is sacred to the Moonalice tribe. On the tablet is inscribed the One Commandment: Don’t Do anything I wouldn’t do.
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