October 10, 2008 Narrow Center for the Arts, Fall River, Massachusetts
Moonalice poster by Chuck Sperry
According to Moonalice legend, the tribe in eastern Massachusetts was a leader in Moonalice architecture and design. To protect against cold winters, the tribe shifted from burning bails of hemp in the fireplace to a furnace. They called it central hemping. The one drawback relative to the old fireplace was the lack of smoke. Forty Whacks Moonalice, who lived near Fall River, perfected central hemp by adding copper pipes to distribute smoke to every room. You accessed it through hookah tubes that plugged into the wall. As you can imagine, Forty Whacks’ central hemp system became a key selling feature in Moonalice homes.
According to Moonalice legend, the tribe had a relatively small presence in Fall River in the 19th century. No one in the tribe could afford the real estate in Fall River, so the few Moonalices in town generally worked as servants to rich people or day laborers.
Do you remember what happened in Fall River on the morning of August 4 1892? Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. And when she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one.
Great rhyme, but bad facts. Mrs. Borden had received only 18 whacks, while Lizzie’s father got 11. But the nursery rhyme is not really about the murders.
We consulted the Moonalice legend and got a bit of clarity. The Borden family was well-to-do, and Lizzie decided to give her family the luxury of central hemp. She hired Forty Whacks Moonalice and his son Forty-One to install the system, which they were doing down in the basement on the morning of August 4, 1892. Both were passed out cold, which was a common occurrence during the installation and adjustment of central hemp systems. So Forty Whacks and Forty-One missed the murders. However, Moonalice legend suggests that the hatchet wounds were probably self-inflicted.
According to Moonalice legend, October 10 is World Mental Health Day. We recommend you celebrate by losing your mind. We celebrated by going to the LIzzie Borden house. There was a wedding there. We kid you not. Bride in white. Groom in tux with corsage. White stretch. Ghosts of the Mr. and Mrs. Borden.
According to Moonalice legend, today is Party Foundation Party Day . . . in North Korea. Moonalice has always believed in redundancy, particularly when it comes to parties.
According to ancient Moonalice legend, there was once a holy shrine called Wow! It was supposed to be some kind of giant double-barreled hookah with magical powers. While the existence of Wow! has not been proved, the city of Fall River has a life sized replica.
Listen to this show now at Moonalice.com.