August 16, 2009 Jewels in the Square, Union Square, San Francisco, California
Moonalice poster by Ron Donovan
According to Moonalice legend, the ancient Moonalice tribe used to gather in town squares on Sunday afternoons for a mysterious tribal ritual. For the longest time, no one knew what they did there. Then, the city of San Francisco renovated Union Square and put a parking lot underneath. During the excavation, they found some curious things. Of course there were lots of roaches, roach clips, and match sticks. But there were also some coins, pieces of china, and a really old issue of Gold Rush Speculator magazine. The real surprise was that they found some giant heads like the ones from Easter Island. Unlike the heads in Easter Island, the ones here were all women.
According to Moonalice legend, August 16 has historically been a momentous day for the tribe. On this day in 1962, Ringo joined the Beatles. In 1977, Elvis took a job pumping gas in New Mexico, ending his reign as King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, but beginning a long second career as an inspiration for impersonators and works of art painted on velvet. But the really big Moonalice news on this day occurred right here in San Francisco in the year 420. Apparently, that’s when the local tribe started playing with matches. One thing led to another and pretty soon everybody was playing with matches, which would have been fine, except that a Moonalice matriarch by the name of Mission Dolores Moonalice pointed out that matches could be used to burn hemp, which might be more entertaining than burning your finger tips. The tribe gave it a try and everyone liked the results. The rest, as they say, is legend.
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