October 20, 2009 The Jewish Mother, Virginia Beach, Virginia
Moonalice poster by Chris Shaw
According to Moonalice legend, when Christopher Newport arrived here in 1607, he was apparently a very liberal minded man. I say this because he sailed for 144 days on a ship with 105 men and boys. They arrived and established the first permanent settlement of white people. All men. The local Moonalice chiefs took one look and realized that Christopher Newport was not likely to be interested in the Moonalice matriarchy. It was all cool. But there was one major consequence. The Virginia commonwealth focused its agriculture on tobacco, rather than hemp.
According to Moonalice legend, Virginia Beach is famous for the first geodesic dome built in the United States. The Alan B. Shepard Civic Center is named after one of the twelve men who walked on the surface of our tribe’s home planet. Apparently someone didn’t appreciate the Moonalice connection, so they razed the dome in 1994.
According to Moonalice legend, today is the 42nd anniversary of the filming of Bigfoot by Patterson and Gimlin. This is the most famous Bigfoot video and we strongly recommend it to you. We also recommend the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose noodly appendages keep us all from flying into space.
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