3–18-10 The Coach House, San Juan Capis­trano, CA poster by David Singer

3/18/10 Moonalice poster by David SingerMarch 18, 2010 The Coach House, San Juan Capis­trano, Cal­i­for­nia
Moon­al­ice poster by David Singer

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, his­tory books tell you all about the migra­tion of swal­lows to San Juan Capis­trano, but no one has ever explained why they come here instead of some­where else. For­tu­nately, the Moon­al­ice leg­end has the answer. The swal­lows came here for the same rea­son that mis­sion­ar­ies did: for the hemp. In the cen­turies before Euro­peans arrived, Moon­al­ice hip­pies grew their finest hemp along the coast­line here. Swal­lows from Argentina made their sea­sonal migra­tion to enable their young grow up in a hemp-rich envi­ron­ment. Unfor­tu­nately the mis­sion­ar­ies did not share the swal­lows’ or Moon­al­ices’ enthu­si­asm for hemp. They built a mis­sion here and put an end to hemp non­sense. Appar­ently Moon­al­ice and the swal­lows are end­lessly opti­mistic. Tonight we are here for the first time. If all goes well tonight, the swal­lows will be here tomorrow.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the first Zorro story was set in San Juan Capis­trano. Zorro is a great fig­ure in Moon­al­ice leg­end. Our tribe loves pirates, the Johnny Depp kind of pirates, and Zorro was a land pirate. While we aspire to Zorro-ness, we iden­tify more with Sergeant Gar­cia, the TV show’s clue­less foil. Sergeant Gar­cia was part Moon­al­ice and was known for the prodi­gious amounts of hemp he con­sumed. What we can’t under­stand is where he got his weight prob­lem and cluelessness.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is Awk­ward Moments Day. It’s embar­rass­ing, but I don’t know what to say. Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is the 51st anniver­sary of Pres­i­dent Eisen­hower sign­ing into law the state­hood of Hawaii. We think the state­hood of Alaska and Hawaii make Pres­i­dent Eisen­hower one of the great pres­i­dents of all time. No pres­i­dent ever did more to expand America’s vaca­tion land!!!

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the name Orange County is the result of a mas­sive cover-up. As shown on tonight’s incred­i­ble poster by David Singer, this entire area was a boun­ti­ful Moon­al­ice hemp farm for cen­turies before the Euro­peans arrived. In those days, the Moon­al­ice name for this area was Green County. Sadly, the mis­sion­ar­ies just didn’t appre­ci­ate the ben­e­fits of hemp over oranges. They just pre­ferred a brighter color.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the name Orange County is a cover-up. In the old days before the mis­sion­ar­ies, oranges were not an impor­tant crop. The only crop that mat­tered was hemp. And the place was called Green County back then … but the mis­sion­ar­ies put an end to that.

 

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