12–4-09 Crystal Bay Club, Crystal Bay, NV poster by Alexandra Fischer

12/04/09 Moonalice poster by Alexandra FischerDecem­ber 4, 2009 Crys­tal Bay Club, Crystal Bay, Nevada
Moon­al­ice poster by Alexan­dra Fischer

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the Crys­tal Bay Casino sits near the site of Crys­tal Cav­erns, the old­est known Moon­al­ice set­tle­ment in Nevada. Crys­tal Cav­erns was home to a band of stoned age Moon­al­ices. They lived in the cave and passed the time by paint­ing on the walls. Like other cave­men, the Moon­al­ices painted images of the ani­mals they hunted. Unlike most cave­ment, how­ever, they also painted the gods they wor­shipped, specif­i­cally the Fly­ing Spaghetti Mon­ster. Today’s poster shows the image. If you want to visit Crys­tal Cav­erns, you had bet­ter be pre­pared to smoke your­self into a stu­por. There is no other way to find the place.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is the 335th anniver­sary of the found­ing of Chicago, Illi­nois by Jacques Mar­quette Moon­al­ice. His­tory claims that Father Jacques was there to min­is­ter to the Illini­wek tribe, but the leg­end tells the real story. Father Jacques was a ter­ri­ble farmer and couldn’t play a lick on bass, but he was one hell of an importer. The Illini­wek had never expe­ri­enced the won­ders of hemp until the Good Father arrived from Europe with a huge brick of hash. The Illini­wek decided he was a god and imme­di­ately asked him to move in. The rest, as they say, is legend.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is the anniver­sary of the mar­tyr­dom of Santa Bar­bara. Leg­end tells us that Santa Bar­bara trav­eled the world on Christ­mas Eve, deliv­er­ing gifts of hemp to Moon­al­ice boys and girls. As the patron saint of peo­ple with the munchies, Santa Bar­bara was known to con­sume giant bags of Chee­tos and quarts of Ben & Jerry’s in a sin­gle sit­ting. Over time, she put on a lot of weight, which even­tu­ally became a prob­lem on Christ­mas Eve. She got stuck in a chim­ney and never got out.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, on this day in 1867, a retired farmer by the name of Oliver Kel­ley Moon­al­ice founded the National Grange of the Order of Patrons of Hus­bandry, a fra­ter­nal orga­ni­za­tion of farm­ers that sur­vives to this day. The idea behind the Grange was to cre­ate a way for farm­ers to work together for their col­lec­tive good. Among its many accom­plish­ments, the Grange was respon­si­ble for the cre­ation of the first head shops in Amer­ica. Sadly, they didn’t have enough polit­i­cal weight to stop the Mar­i­huana Tax Act of 1937. The best they could do was to get Con­gress to pass the Hemp for Vic­tory Act at the begin­ning of World War II.



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