6–18-09 Apple­gate River Lodge, Apple­gate, OR poster by David Singer

6/18-19/09 Moonalice poster by David SingerJune 18 & 19, 2009 Apple­gate River Lodge, Apple­gate, Oregon
Moon­al­ice poster by David Singer

(June 18) According to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the Ore­gon Trail ended in Eugene, after which set­tlers took a left onto the Apple­gate Trail that brought them here. Have you ever won­dered why there was an Apple­gate Trail in the first place? There’s no city here. Apple­gate was actu­ally a major agri­cul­tural hub of the Moon­al­ice tribe. Before the white man came, all of the fer­tile fields around here were planted with hemp. Johnny Hempseed fin­ished his transcon­ti­nen­tal plant­ing trip here. The matri­arch Mary Jane Moon­al­ice improved on Johnny’s ideas with the devel­op­ment of the Leaky Sack, which dropped seeds at pre­cisely the right inter­val. For cen­turies, hemp was the dom­i­nant form of agri­cul­ture. Then came Harry & David, peaches, and mail order. The tribe moved back to California.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is the 194th anniver­sary of the Bat­tle of Water­loo. Do you know the story of the Bat­tle of Water­loo? Welling­ton and Napoleon get all the head­lines, but the real story relates to a lieu­tenant in the Wellington’s Coali­tion Army named Throck­mor­ton Moon­al­ice. He was in charge of the 420 Moon­al­ice Sig­nal Bat­tal­ion of Man­i­toba, a small force respon­si­ble for smoke sig­nals. The days lead­ing up to the deci­sive bat­tle saw Welling­ton deploy his forces bril­liantly. The 420 Sig­nal Bat­tal­ion had to smoke up a storm to keep pace with Welling­ton, but they per­formed beyond all expec­ta­tion. On the morn­ing of the bat­tle, the entire bat­tal­ion passed out with severe symp­toms of smoke inhala­tion. They slept through the battle.

Today is Autis­tic Pride Day. Do what you can.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is the 136th anniver­sary of Susan B. Anthony’s con­vic­tion for try­ing to vote. She was fined $100. Susan B. was a bit of a broom butt, but she was also one of the great matri­archs in the Moon­al­ice tribe. Twenty-six years ago, Sally Ride, another great Moon­al­ice chief, became the first Amer­i­can woman in space. Tonight we salute the matri­archs of the Moon­al­ice tribe.

(June 19th) Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the town of Apple­gate was named for Lind­say Apple­gate, who was the first to arrive there. He trav­eled in the com­pany of two men: Jesse Apple­gate and Charles Apple­gate. His­tory claims the Apple­gates were broth­ers. That was prob­a­bly true. But what if they weren’t?

Happy Birth­day to Moses Horowitz!!! Mean ol’ brother Moe tor­mented the beloved Curly, but always brought out the best in him. Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the Apple­gate River has spe­cial pow­ers. Appar­ently if you sit it in long enough, your skin will bunch up like a prune.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, there is a Moon­al­ice Poetry museum near Elko, NV. The museum had only one poem. Until now. Hard­wood and I dis­cov­ered two ver­sions of a Moon­al­ice poem right here at the Apple­gate Lodge. Here’s how it goes:

There once was a drum­mer named Smoke,
Who played drums like a demon on coke,
He hit like Ali,
At a hun­dred and three,
Knock­ing out hits with each stroke
There once a drum­mer named Smokey
Played like a demon who’s cokey
Tho a genius at rid­dles
And advanced para did­dles
Still the Feds put his ass in the pokey

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, today is June­teenth, a hol­i­day that cel­e­brates the lib­er­a­tion of slaves in Texas in 1865. The white guys were able to hide the news of the Eman­ci­pa­tion Procla­ma­tion for over two years. We called Twit­ter to find out how this could have hap­pened. Appar­ently Twit­ter was down through­out the 19th and 20th cen­turies due to planned pre-maintenance.




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