December 6, 2008 Red Fox Tavern, Eureka, California
Moonalice poster by Alexandra Fischer
According to Moonalice legend, Humboldt Bay has long been protected by a special tribal force. Wikipedia tells us that European exploration of this part of the Pacific coast began as early as 1579, but repeatedly missed definitively locating Humboldt Bay for nearly three hundred years. Wikipedia believes this was due to a combination of geographic features, often aided by weather conditions, which concealed the narrow entrance from view. The bay was not definitively known by Europeans until an 1849 overland exploration provided a reliable accounting of the exact location of what is the second largest bay in California. After 300 years of searching, it’s no wonder they called the place Eureka.
Was the problem really weather? Of course not. The Legend tells us that the tribe protected the Bay in its own special way. In retrospect, it’s really obvious. Europeans couldn’t find Humboldt Bay because it was always shrouded by smoke. Hemp smoke. You can look it up.
According to Moonalice legend, census statistics are an excellent source of entertainment. For example, Wikipedia says The 2000 U.S. Census indicates that 3.7% of the employed civilian population 16 years and over worked in agriculture, forestry, fishing, and hunting industries. Wikipedia says this percentage may not be indicative of the actual number of people in these professions as many are self-employed. We suspect that this is particularly true in agriculture.
According to Moonalice legend, the pointy rocks you see along the coast around here and up into Oregon are called coprolites, which is a fancy word for petrified poop. Who poops like that, I hear you ask? They were left by the goddess Moonalice, on her first visit to earth. The goddess arrived in the west coast a couple millennia ago and found a native tribe cultivating hemp. Before dinner, she took a few puffs of the local crop and immediately fell victim to an intergalactic case of the munchies. The results were predictable and the evidence can be found up and down the coast.
What’s the story with the Humboldt Botanical Garden? According to Moonalice, It may be a code word, as in “I’m going to the Humbolt (wink) Botanical (wink, wink) Garden (wink, wink, wink). Wanna join me?” For all we know, someone convened a chapter of the Garden right there at the show.