12–6-08 Red Fox Tavern, Eureka, CA poster by Alexandra Fischer

12/6/08 Moonalice poster by Alexandra FischerDecem­ber 6, 2008 Red Fox Tav­ern, Eureka, California
Moon­al­ice poster by Alexan­dra Fischer

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, Hum­boldt Bay has long been pro­tected by a spe­cial tribal force. Wikipedia tells us that Euro­pean explo­ration of this part of the Pacific coast began as early as 1579, but repeat­edly missed defin­i­tively locat­ing Hum­boldt Bay for nearly three hun­dred years. Wikipedia believes this was due to a com­bi­na­tion of geo­graphic fea­tures, often aided by weather con­di­tions, which con­cealed the nar­row entrance from view. The bay was not defin­i­tively known by Euro­peans until an 1849 over­land explo­ration pro­vided a reli­able account­ing of the exact loca­tion of what is the sec­ond largest bay in Cal­i­for­nia. After 300 years of search­ing, it’s no won­der they called the place Eureka.

Was the prob­lem really weather? Of course not. The Leg­end tells us that the tribe pro­tected the Bay in its own spe­cial way. In ret­ro­spect, it’s really obvi­ous. Euro­peans couldn’t find Hum­boldt Bay because it was always shrouded by smoke. Hemp smoke. You can look it up.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, cen­sus sta­tis­tics are an excel­lent source of enter­tain­ment. For exam­ple, Wikipedia says The 2000 U.S. Cen­sus indi­cates that 3.7% of the employed civil­ian pop­u­la­tion 16 years and over worked in agri­cul­ture, forestry, fish­ing, and hunt­ing indus­tries. Wikipedia says this per­cent­age may not be indica­tive of the actual num­ber of peo­ple in these pro­fes­sions as many are self-employed. We sus­pect that this is par­tic­u­larly true in agriculture.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the pointy rocks you see along the coast around here and up into Ore­gon are called copro­lites, which is a fancy word for pet­ri­fied poop. Who poops like that, I hear you ask? They were left by the god­dess Moon­al­ice, on her first visit to earth. The god­dess arrived in the west coast a cou­ple mil­len­nia ago and found a native tribe cul­ti­vat­ing hemp. Before din­ner, she took a few puffs of the local crop and imme­di­ately fell vic­tim to an inter­galac­tic case of the munchies. The results were pre­dictable and the evi­dence can be found up and down the coast.

What’s the story with the Hum­boldt Botan­i­cal Gar­den? Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice, It may be a code word, as in “I’m going to the Hum­bolt (wink) Botan­i­cal (wink, wink) Gar­den (wink, wink, wink). Wanna join me?” For all we know, some­one con­vened a chap­ter of the Gar­den right there at the show.




Leave a Comment