7–4-08 The Knotty Pine, Vic­tor, ID poster by Alexan­dra Fischer

7/4-5/08 Moonalice poster by Alexandra FischerJuly 4 & 5, 2008 The Knotty Pine, Vic­tor, Idaho
Moon­al­ice poster by Alexan­dra Fischer

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, July 4 is a day with mag­i­cal pow­ers. For one thing, it is the approx­i­mate date of aphe­lion, when the earth is at the fur­thest point in its orbit around the sun. When the sun is far away, inter­est­ing things hap­pen, both in the tribe and out. In 18th cen­tury Amer­ica — before the Rev­o­lu­tion­ary War — Moon­al­ice tribe mem­bers lob­bied aggres­sively for the free­dom to grow hemp and play bass. Progress on the ini­tia­tive was very slow until the tribe found a way to align itself with white colonists. They did so over the issue of tax­a­tion with­out rep­re­sen­ta­tion. The tribe had no idea what tax­a­tion with­out rep­re­sen­ta­tion meant, but it seems like a huge threat to the tribal hemp crop, so Moon­al­ice joined the rebel­lion in the 1770s. Then, from July 1 to July 4, 1776, the tribe catered the meet­ing of the Sec­ond Con­ti­nen­tal Con­gress. They served tra­di­tional pub food with a vari­ety of tasty deserts made from deriv­a­tives of the tribe’s own hemp crop. From all reports, the Sec­ond Con­ti­nen­tal Con­gress was a huge suc­cess. The best evi­dence was that some­how they lost the orig­i­nal Dec­la­ra­tion of Inde­pen­dence. Leg­end has it that the doc­u­ment was writ­ten on hemp paper and that prodi­gious amounts of hemp were con­sumed that night. All we know is that the darn Dec­la­ra­tion dis­ap­peared that night, never to be seen again. For­tu­nately, the tribe had kept a copy, so that Thomas Jef­fer­son, John Han­cock and the rest of the gang could issue a Dec­la­ra­tion that would change the world. That part part is his­tory. The rest, as they say, is legend.

Accord­ing to Moon­al­ice leg­end, the great explor­ers Lewis & Clark might never have got­ten home from their trek across the con­ti­nent had it not been for the Moon­al­ice tribe. The explor­ers got lost west of Yel­low­stone Park — in present day Vic­tor, ID — and were res­cued by Witch­way Moon­al­ice, matri­ach of the local Moon­al­ice tribe. Although Witchway’s story has dis­ap­peared from his­tory, it lives on in the Moon­al­ice leg­end. Here is just a bit of it:

Witch­way was born some time around 1776. For rea­sons no one can explain, every mem­ber of her tribe oper­ated on a dif­fer­ent cal­en­dar … and no one kept records. All we know is that Witch­way showed great promise as a child, debut­ing as first bassist in the tribal band at age four. She also demon­strated the green­est of thumbs. While her hemp was not much use for rope, its quick mat­u­ra­tion and prodi­gious THC lev­els led to her tribe’s first great encounter with Confusionism.

When Lewis & Clark stum­bled upon the tribal farm­ing grounds in July 1806, they thought they might have found a new prod­uct that might com­pete with tobacco. Lewis & Clark put some in their pipes and smoked it. A fierce attack of the munchies imme­di­ately sent them scam­per­ing for snack food. Soon they were com­pletely lost. For­tu­nately, they still had some of the inter­est­ing green flower they had found on Witchway’s farm. Just before they ran out, Witch­way found Lewis & Clark. They were mak­ing funny faces at Lewis’ pet New­found­land (Sea­man) and giggling.

Witch­way spent a few days teach­ing the explor­ers how best to enjoy hemp prod­ucts, after which she put them back on their way home. Unfor­tu­nately, Lewis & Clark spaced their stash a few nights later. The good news is that they got home safely. The rest, as we say, is legend.

 

M91

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